Today was a long day - - I am totally ready to get back to my schedule of 1 or 2 jobs! Being sick has not helped my physical feelings either. All day and night I was coughing really badly (like I did back in February) and I am still stuffed up from allergies. I haven’t had this much of a problem since we lived in North Carolina. I am just thankful that we are not living there right now because the pollen would kill me.
Anyway, after a long day of working (both at Ransom and Outback) I finally find myself at home eating my bowl of cereal for dinner. Kevin went to Puerto Rico for work this morning so having the tv to myself I pulled out Season 1 of West Wing for my ritual viewing when he is away. While I watched the pilot episode and relaxed on the couch I noticed there was not a lot of movement coming from our little one. Usually at this time of the day I am visited by her active kicks and flips. I started to think of the last time I remember feeling her move and that’s when I started to worry. I couldn’t remember! And the more I tried to remember the more worried I became. I decided to just go to bed and hopefully at that time she would start with her active play time. I grabbed my heating pad and settled into bed. I laid there for what felt like 5 minutes and nothing. I even rolled over and moved my belly around… nothing! Now I was really starting to get worried. Kevin wasn’t here to help calm my nerves, talk to her, or try to get her to be active. Maybe he was right. She always moves around when I am talking to him. Maybe she does hear his voice and reacts to it. Maybe it’s the fact that I am laughing and in a good mood when we talk at night. But at that moment I just wanted a little bit of movement so I could go to sleep knowing she was ok.
This habit of mine of not being able to rest at night or start my day in the mornings until I felt her move started when I first felt her move. I have always been worried that something might happen to her. But ever since that first movement, these little movements are the only way I can tell.
I just had thoughts that we lost her and Kevin was in Puerto Rico. How was I going to tell him? I started to cry. Now sitting up (in a position where I always felt her movement) I placed my hands on my belly and started a little prayer. I know I have been working way too hard. I need to take it easy more… for her! If we lost her because of me working too much... I don’t know what I would do.
And then it happened… after 5 long minutes I felt a little kick near my belly button.
That’s all I needed. I then started crying for another reason. She was ok. It’s getting harder and harder not to get attached to her and the idea of her. As each day/ week passes it becomes more real and harder to remember that she is not ours until the Doctor places her in our arms.
I finally lay back down with my heating pad and headed off to dream land. Tonight I wouldn’t care if she tapped danced on all my internal organs while I tried to sleep… at least she was a moving.
Anyway, after a long day of working (both at Ransom and Outback) I finally find myself at home eating my bowl of cereal for dinner. Kevin went to Puerto Rico for work this morning so having the tv to myself I pulled out Season 1 of West Wing for my ritual viewing when he is away. While I watched the pilot episode and relaxed on the couch I noticed there was not a lot of movement coming from our little one. Usually at this time of the day I am visited by her active kicks and flips. I started to think of the last time I remember feeling her move and that’s when I started to worry. I couldn’t remember! And the more I tried to remember the more worried I became. I decided to just go to bed and hopefully at that time she would start with her active play time. I grabbed my heating pad and settled into bed. I laid there for what felt like 5 minutes and nothing. I even rolled over and moved my belly around… nothing! Now I was really starting to get worried. Kevin wasn’t here to help calm my nerves, talk to her, or try to get her to be active. Maybe he was right. She always moves around when I am talking to him. Maybe she does hear his voice and reacts to it. Maybe it’s the fact that I am laughing and in a good mood when we talk at night. But at that moment I just wanted a little bit of movement so I could go to sleep knowing she was ok.
This habit of mine of not being able to rest at night or start my day in the mornings until I felt her move started when I first felt her move. I have always been worried that something might happen to her. But ever since that first movement, these little movements are the only way I can tell.
I just had thoughts that we lost her and Kevin was in Puerto Rico. How was I going to tell him? I started to cry. Now sitting up (in a position where I always felt her movement) I placed my hands on my belly and started a little prayer. I know I have been working way too hard. I need to take it easy more… for her! If we lost her because of me working too much... I don’t know what I would do.
And then it happened… after 5 long minutes I felt a little kick near my belly button.
That’s all I needed. I then started crying for another reason. She was ok. It’s getting harder and harder not to get attached to her and the idea of her. As each day/ week passes it becomes more real and harder to remember that she is not ours until the Doctor places her in our arms.
I finally lay back down with my heating pad and headed off to dream land. Tonight I wouldn’t care if she tapped danced on all my internal organs while I tried to sleep… at least she was a moving.
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