The First Doctor's Visit

Our first appointment is in an hour and I am so nervous. We think that we are actually further along than a few weeks because I’m still getting big. My pants don't fit. I know I have been eating a lot but I don't think I would be like this if I were only a few weeks.

Anyway… I'm afraid they won't listen to me or let me ask questions. I’m really nervous about having my blood taken and all the other fun things that go with baby doctor visits.

Or what if I was wrong! What if the test is wrong and we weren’t pregnant? Talk about feeling silly and stupid!

As we were getting ready to get on the elevator Gina called about Thanksgiving dinner. She asked if I was busy and it just came out “No, we are just heading to the doctors for an appointment.” Her response was “oh no… is everything ok?” I actually was caught off guard and followed with the “yeah… it’s just my yearly feet in the stirrups visit”. After I hung up I just looked at Kevin. Oops! This keeping “it” a secret is going to be harder than I thought.

We get to the Doctor’s office and I am amazed by how full the office is. After a while we were called back to the examination rooms. This time walking back it felt different. I wasn’t just there for my yearly visit, a recheck on my biopsies, or just to get BC… I was there to confirm we were in deed expecting!

We were taken into Dr. Nikitin’s office for an initial meeting. The only doctor at this office I had seen before was Dr. Siman so I was kind of nervous about meeting a new doctor. In this office all pregnancies are put on the doctor rotation. So each visit we will see a different doctor.

Anyway, Dr. Nikitin asked us a lot of questions about my calendar and such. Then he asked if we had any questions… whew! I think we both laughed and said “We have LOTS!” He was great. He took his time answering our questions and reassuring us that we would be fine. I expressed my concerns of having a miscarriage and he went into the odds of pregnancy. After that little talk I felt a bit better about the whole thing. He then gave us tons of samples of prenatal vitamins.

Then it was time… the time I was dreading! Vitals and Tests! It started with the urine sample (I need to remember not to go to the bathroom before every visit). Then it was time for the blood pressure and weight part. But the worst part was saved for last. I saw the nurse grab the needle and 4 vials in which I knew my blood was going. I started to laugh nervously telling her I was a brave little chicken who had a thing about needles and blood. I can’t even watch Pulp Fiction in some parts because of it. She was great talked me through the entire thing. I was worried that I was going to pass out like I did the last time I had blood drawn. But in the end… it didn’t hurt so much and I didn’t pass out. This Brave Little Chicken has survived!

With all of that out of the way we headed to the fun part… The Ultra Sound! This was the moment of truth. We were going to see something that would someday be our little one. I think the funniest part was Dr. Nikitin actually saying "Now... it's still very early so don't expect to see a baby sit up and start waving at you!" Waving? I just want to make sure there is actually something in there. I don't care if it doesn't even have arms yet. At first it was hard to see what they needed to see. I was starting to think I was right about not actually being pregnant… but then there it was! What they had been looking for… the little bubble that was the home for our little one. Dr. Nikitin said that we were not that far along but we were indeed having a baby. Part of me was upset because I think I really wanted to be a month farther along than we were because that was one month closer to the 2nd trimester and entering in the “safe” zone. But then again… we were indeed having a baby and that was reason to celebrate! We were then given our first picture and the expectant due date of July 21, 2010.

As we left the office, holding hands, I kept looking at the photo in amazement that it was actually happening. We were going to have a baby!

(the first photo of Baby Collins)

"I'm eating us out of house and home!"

Today was the first day since finding out that we were expecting that we both had the day off (except for a light brush up rehearsal of Madeline). It was nice to spend all day together. One of the things we have heard from friends (who are also parents) is enjoy your time together before the baby arrives.

So we decided that today we would sleep in and enjoy each other’s company. It was a beautiful day out so we decided we would walk over to Panera Bread for a late lunch. Besides having to look at the menu in a different way (i.e. no cold deli meat, no non pasteurized cheeses, no certain dressings) it was a great lunch. I do have to say this not being able to whatever I want kind of, sort of stinks!

We talked about how this new addition would be changing our lives, our concerns, ideas of being a parent, etc. Since only a handful of people knew it was nice to talk about the pregnancy freely. To see where each of us stood and what we thought. It is so comforting to see that we were both excited… yet be both had concerns. This conversation was unlike any other conversation that we had had in our (almost) 12 years of being together. I know it’s weird to say but I feel like our relationship has grown in a way it never has before. Kevin was no longer just my partner, best friend, husband… I was talking to the father of my child. We weren’t just partners in our relationship but in the raising of our little boy or girl. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about how this baby would affect our marriage… but after this talk a lot of my fears vanished.

Afterwards, as we were walking back, I was joking about how I was already eating us out of house and home.

Kevin being the great and supportive husband that he is said "No Kidding!"

I actually stopped walking. His comeback was so good and totally not what I expected. I of course replied with “Yeah, well… you owe me a present now for that!”

Now when I said present... I was actually thinking “Take me to Coldstones!” and what was his reply?

He said "What? Ice cream?"

I didn’t know what to be madder (play) at? The fact that he made another witty reply or that he actually called me on what I really wanted!

Needless to say our walk back was filled with laughter…

And yes, later that night he took me out for ice cream!

And the pooch is a growing… Shopping for clothes.

The fun game of trying to squeeze into my pants has already begun. And after the button has been fastened, you can start to see a small bulge that has started to grow in the low stomach area. Kevin even stated that I looked like I was getting a little pooch. We had decided that we were not going to announce it to people at work so hiding this now growing pooch was going to be difficult.

So we headed to Dadeland Mall in search of Maternity Pants.

I had plenty of shirts that I could use right now but I needed a new pair of pants. First stop… Macys! But to my surprise they do not have a maternity department. So we headed around the mall. Then it hit me… the first realization that my world for the next 9 months (in the clothing department) was going to change. As I subconsciously made a dash for the Banana Republic I stopped myself short of entering. We would not be finding any pants for me there. My entire wardrobe was about to change and I was not sure if I could financially and emotionally cope!

We walked around the entire mall until we finally came upon the Destination Maternity store. This would be my new home. I felt slightly self-conscious when walking in. I mean I am not that far along... why wouldn’t I be able to still wear my regular clothes? But there I was to get a pair of black pants that I needed for work. As soon as we walked in we were greeted by a nice associate that directed me over to a rack of black pants that would be perfect for work but then I saw the price tag. $78? I looked a Kevin like a little kid who had just broken a lamp. I felt horrible that I couldn’t fit into my clothes and we were now out getting ready to purchase pants for $78.

Then I saw it… the Sales Section in the back of the store. I quickly bee lined over and started looking through the selection of black pant things and there they were. I found several pairs for under $30 each. This wasn’t going to be that bad after all.

As we went up to check out the associate starts asking us questions like when is our due date and such. I didn’t know what to say. I just looked at Kevin and we both were sort of speechless. I finally told her that we just found out only 2 days ago that we were expecting. I don’t know if that made me feel better or worse. Here I was 2 days after a positive pregnancy test buying maternity pants… talk about crazy! I had visions of this lady thinking I was psychologically messed up. So I threw in the “Yeah, I just seem to be so bloated my pants just don’t seem to fit anymore.” Yeah… I am sure that worked. As we left the store I turned to Kevin and said “Could that have been any more awkward?”

Kevin being the great support that he is... just laughed.

Babies on the Brain.... 24/7!

Today I called and made our first Doctors appointment. We are scheduled for next Wednesday morning. After I got off the phone with the nurse I suddenly realized… I'm terrified of needles, shots, having blood taken... How am I going to survive the next 9 months?

But that quickly became the least of my thoughts that were bouncing around in my brain! Thoughts about Babies and this pregnancy were going nonstop. Once I started thinking about one aspect it would lead to another… and then another… and another.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours from learning that we were expecting and I have already started thinking of ways we can announce the pregnancy to our close friends and family. We have already decided that want to tell my parents and Kevin’s mom in person. It is very important to us that we make this announcement very special for everyone.

I would like to do the same for our close friends as well. There are just certain people in our lives that I don’t want them hearing about it over Facebook. We are still a bit torn about when we should share the news with others. We would like to wait till the beginning of the 2nd trimester but I am not sure we can wait.

Some ideas that I found online have been:
Picture frames with ultra sound inside,
A picture book
A little outfit with I heart grandma on it
A card from baby saying I can't wait to meet you.

I started talking to “it” today. It feels weird calling “it” an “it” but I can’t think of any other thing to call it right now that won’t get my hopes up. So until I can find a nickname “it” is what it will be. I did ask what I could do to help make it stick. I also told “it” I would try to be the best mother I could... There are so many things I want to show them. Places I want them to see... Things to be exposed to. I just hope this little one will be around for a while.

I also thought I would start keeping track of any little random thoughts that I would have throughout the day and share them. Since there have also been some changes in me physically I thought a little part of these postings could be dedicated to how my body is changing due to the pregnancy. Today, I had tons of random thoughts and physical observations!
· Smells. I can smell everything! And I mean everything! I have officially turned into a bloodhound. Maybe I should get a job working for the police….
· My boobs freaking hurt! Any little movement has me feeling like I did after my biopsies. Am I going to have to live in a sports bra for the next 9 months?
· Cravings! So it seems like the only thing I am craving right now is a Beer! Go figure!
· I started having cramps today. This has me a little worried because I have heard cramping is not a good sign. I’m trying not to think about it but it’s hard. I know the chances of this pregnancy not sticking are like 50%... I just don't want to get our hopes up and then end up with disappointment! And these pregnancy websites are really not helping. But I can’t stop thinking about it! It’s like I have this pregnancy on my brain 24/7.
· This holiday season to our anniversary will be a memorable one for us... Good or bad. The week of our anniversary will be the last week of the first trimester. So we will either have a rough season or a joyfull one!

The Day We Found Out!

Well, the day started out like any other normal day.

But now... Everything different.

Everythings changed!

I am going to be someone's mother!

It was the first day of Madeline's Christmas. The Red Cast was opening with a 10am performance... so I arrived at the theater well before our call of 9am. I had made several comments to the girls in the dressing room how bloated I felt and how much my boobs had been hurting me these past few days. Joking about how I was thankful that I had to wear a sports bra to help keep them in place and still look like I was 12 years old. One of the girls had even commented back saying she felt the same way cause her "Friend" should be arriving any day now. According to my calendar I was really only 4 days late. But ever since I had gotten off the BC my day count every month was different. So I was not too worried. I just figured that I, like most girls in the shows I had been in before, had attached myself to someone elses cycle.

But Valentina felt differently. She had said several times that she thought I was pregnant and that I should take a test just to make sure. I still wasn't completely sold. The symptoms that I was describing were "Friend" symptoms... not "Baby" symptoms. I even pulled out my iphone application to show her my calendar and all it did was give her more reason to say "Take a Test!". And that little "Red" dot on October 30th in the middle of 5 green days did not help my cause. Also the fact that yesterday I had eaten an entire Birthday Cake Remix from Coldstones in a matter of minutes (something I had never done). After the show Valentina offered to give me a ride home between shows (we had our final dress with the Green cast at 6pm) if I would go home and take a test. I knew that as soon as the negative test came back my "Friend" would show up so better to take the test now than to wait.

She dropped me off infront of Target and in I went. I always laugh at myself when I go in to buy a test… kind of feel like I have to buy 50 other things to mask the purchase. So I of course hit the candy isle.

At home I rushed to the bathroom.

You know... I was actually more shocked at how fast the results appeared on the test strip. I actually wanted to laugh at myself. All these years of taking a test and wondering if it was working 5 minutes afterwards. Because as soon as I was done, flushed, and gotten dressed again... it was there.

Two little lines!

And they were CLEAR AS DAY!

We were pregnant!

I think I stared at it for what felt like an hour but was only a few minutes. I needed to tell Kevin but how? I didn't want to wait till later that night to tell him. I was going to have to tell Valentina and the other ladies that it came back positive when I went back to the theater than night... and I didn't want him not to be the first to know. But I couldn't just call him up and say "Hey! I'm pregnant!" So I took a picture of the test strip and emailed it to him. I knew he was in South Miami, so I called so I could be on the phone with him when he got the photo. I was so nervous, scared, worried... to be honest... there were a lot of emotions going on. I finally got Kevin on the phone and told him to check his email. He asked me if it was really important… I sort of laughed and said “I think it is but you might feel differently.” Finally, the photo came through and there it was… we were going to be parents. I started crying (with a mixture of emotions) and Kevin was awesome! He kept reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. I could tell right away he was so excited to be a dad! We said we would talk more when I got home from the show and hung up. I am not sure why but when we said “Goodbye” I felt as thought I was more in love with him than I had ever been.

For the next few hours before I had to head back to the theater I sat and cried. I had a combination of emotions going through me. But one that kept going through my mind… I was going to be someones mother! Everything in my life had been changed! And as much as it excited me there was an even bigger part of me that was scared. But I knew with the love and support from Kevin we were going to make one heck of a parenting team... and that made me smile.

There are not many moments in our lives that we can say are life altering… this was a HUGE one for me. I would rank today right up there with Graduating from College and the day Kevin and I got married!

Today was the day we found out we were going to have a baby!

(The Photo I sent to Kevin)